Hockey playoffs have taken over the lives of British Colombians, since the Canucks are thisclose to making it almost all the way, and it’s really sparked some serious fan-demonium around our office.  We have half the office as die hard Canuck Fans, half the office as die hard Anti-Canuck fans and half the office as we don’t really give a you-know-what.

Yes, I know that 3 halves equal more than a whole, making that last sentence completely nonsensical.  Thanks for catching that.  N E ways.  Being that I am a biased journalist, I feel it’s best to stay neutral on the subject.  But then again, I don’t really consider myself a professional journalist, so bias goes out the window.  Now that I have that point clearly established, I’m free to slant this blog post the way I want.

I’m actually of the ‘I don’t really give a you-know-what’ variety when it comes to  all this hockey hoopla.  I do however, find the zealousness of the fans a little overwhelming, which in some way, shape, or form has led me to lean more towards favoring the Anti-Canuck position.  Not at all because I like Bawwwstin or don’t like the Canucks or I hate my country or anything silly like that, but just because I really don’t like the stereotypes I’ve found the majority of all Canucks fans to possess.

This  is what embodies a Canuck fan:

  1. They live in denial.  Video footage of that guy biting that other guy did not happen.  His finger was NOT bleeding.  Really?
  2. They don’t support their team when they are down, but they act all kinds of caaarazzy proud when they are up. FB was pretty much silent Sam aside from the odd die-hard Canuck fan raking their very own Canucks through the coals for losing ONE game!  Although 8-1 is admittedly pretty embarrassing.
  3. They pollute my FB wall and clog phone lines by announcing goals and penalties. Does one crazy ass Canuck fan really need to text ten other crazy Canuck fans that they scored?  Really?  Wouldn’t they already know that because they’re watching too?  Grossness!
  4. They whine. A lot. About bad calls and poor officiating. Too much so and it never goes both ways.  Offside to take the last series and go to the final?  Didn’t hear any of you complain about that call now did we?  Where’s the fairness? If a Boston player had allegedly bit one of the Canucks, no one would hear the end of it.
  5. The green dudes.  Not enough derogatory comments in my vocab to even know where to start.  They make me nauseous.
  6. The uniforms. Jerseys. Logo. Color palette. The vehicle flags.  It’s just plain shitty.  Whoever was paid that much for that whale….was laughing all the way to the bank.  It looks like a really bad tattoo that you’d get in high school.

My number one reason for getting on the Anti-Canuck train though has to be this point alone.

Canuck fans are no fun.  They can’t a take a joke.  If you mention that their team sucks, or that their goalie is showing signs of sucking, or that they have ugly jerseys, then they get all up in your face angry. So that’s really what puts me off.  Anyone, who takes anything, that seri0usly tends to scare me a bit.

I think the worst part is that even the band wagoners have taken it upon themselves to fight the good Canuck fight.  You know, I actually had a guy just the other day, tell me that I was all kinds of ignorant for not supporting the Canucks.  He was a bandwagoner, who still cheers for his regualr team and will continue to do so after the cup is won or lost cheer for his regular non-Canadian team and he took it upon himself to inform me that I was hurting my business by not cheering for the home team.  He went on to tell me how much money the Canucks will bring to BC when they win the cup.  How their potential Stanley Cup win will make my business prosperous. My province will thrive. My gawd, I wanted to take the guy’s white towel and wrap it around his neck just to make him stop talking.

I had one word for him and his promises of prosperity for my online marketing company located in the Okanagan – O-lym-pics.

Did you want to take a closer look at the sign one of the Anti-Canuck fans posted on our door?  Thought you’d never ask.

It’s since been ripped down by one of the Canuck fans, so don’t come by and smash our windows because it’s already gone.  Plus, you’d also be proving my point as to how bat shit crazy you Canuck fans are.